The Biggest Problem With Self-Acceptance, And How You Can Fix It

Mark Twain once said, “The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.” He couldn’t be more right. If you finally accept yourself and your vulnerabilities, your life will be much more liberating.

According to Dr. Tara Brach, author of Radical Self Acceptance, the feelings of shame and unworthiness are the source of many problems we experience with our relationships, careers, and creative endeavors.

Self-acceptance is the ability to accept yourself as you are instead of how you wish you were, or how you wish others perceived you. It frees you from an overly high concern with what other people think about you.

Self-acceptance is the feeling of satisfaction with yourself despite your weaknesses and regardless of your past behaviors and choices. It’s necessary for good mental health.

Here are some ways to embrace Self-Acceptance:

1. LET GO OF PERFECTION

The world’s idea of perfection is impossible and unattainable; however, you can be the perfect you. Understand that you’ll only cultivate unhappiness trying to reach an impossible standard of perfection. Let go of whatever you consider to be perfect and cultivate a loving attitude towards imperfection.

2. BE YOURSELF

You can either be happy by being yourself, or you can spend your whole life with regret blindly following other people who are not being their true selves. People who will talk about you do so because they’re unhealthy. It’s their deal and not yours. Healthy people will not talk about you. They’ll only cheer you on.

3. STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP

Criticizing every little thing you do will halt your growth faster than anything else. You’re basically saying that you are not good enough when you criticize yourself, so the part of yourself that you’re criticizing won’t even try. When you can be honest with yourself about your mistakes in a loving way, you have room and the possibility of seeking change.

4. LOVE YOURSELF

Far too many people don’t love themselves, and they claim to love others. You can’t love others until you really love yourself, because to love yourself is to be healthy. There is some emerging advice that you can love others even if you don’t love yourself. It’s a recipe for disaster. If you don’t love yourself, you’re not going to truly love others, which means you won’t respect them. Loving yourself is about nurturing yourself, self-care and an attitude that shows you care about your well-being.

5. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

Along the same reasoning as the last tip, you can’t take care of others unless you, first, take care of yourself. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself. If you want to achieve something, get showered or anything else that has to do with your life, you have to be the one to make that decision, and follow that through.

6. YOUR OPINION MATTERS

You know how you feel, and you know all of the thoughts you think. That said, your opinion of yourself is infinitely more important than what anyone else thinks of you. Besides, what they think of you is none of your business. That’s just a funny way of saying to keep the focus on yourself and not what people think about you. You don’t wait for others’ acceptance. What you have to say can stand on its own.

7. PURSUE YOUR GOALS

Creating goals and making time to pursue them helps you to get in-touch with the real you, and it facilitates an easier and happier life. Creating the life you want and the goals you want to achieve helps you to be happy and appreciate yourself for your unique qualities. Going against the flow is stressful. Doing what you love promotes happiness.

8. TAKE TIME FOR SELF-AWARENESS

Whether you take time to journal or express yourself in some other way, it’s good to get in-touch with how you feel, what your thoughts are, how to resolve issues and what you want to do in the world. The power of acceptance is in acknowledging what’s inside.

9. ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FAULTS IN A HEALTHY WAY

Admitting a fault doesn’t make you weak because you let it be known. Admitting a fault makes you strong. It’s not about ignoring what’s wrong, and it’s not about thinking you’re a horrible person when you openly admit the behaviors you’re doing. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to think or behave. Choosing the healthy way is far better than an unhealthy way because it promotes a better life for you and others.

10. CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS

If you have negative thoughts, get rid of them. Your brain will believe just about anything you tell it, and you have those annoying inner dialogue statements that ever repeat. You might have to slow down your thinking to discover all the negative things you tell yourself. Challenge unhealthy thoughts, and replace them with healthy ones.


The power of acceptance is beautiful. You don’t need others’ acceptance to be happy. All the acceptance you need is already within yourself, if you’re willing to accept that.

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”